Shhh. Don't tell anyone about this. I had a girl over last night. It was what some people call "a date." It wasn't a first date, but rather a come-over-and-watch-a-movie-or-something-kind-of-date. We made some popcorn, we rented a movie. We made out, yada, yada, yada - it was fun. What can I say? I am a romantic, big spender. I bought the microwave popcorn ahead of time. I paid for the Blockbuster rental. I provided the electricity for the TV - I really went all out for this date.
Anyway, there was a small problem - the movie choice. We ended up not watching the movie we rented, and instead watched a movie that I had TIVOd for myself. She found it while scrolling through my recorded list. The movie was The Greatest Game Ever Played. I don't know if you know this movie, but I had not heard of it before I recorded it. It stars the Shia LaBeouf as golfer Francis Ouimet. It is set in 1913 and centers around the U.S. Open Championship.
Before I get into this let me ruin the movie for you. If you don't want to know then stop reading now. Anyway, Francis Ouimet is 20 years old or something and gives up the game of golf at the demand of his father. His father works in a coal mine and believes that golf is for the upper class, etc. (Of course, at that time it was for professionals and the upper class). There is a bunch of dialogue about how he should "know his place" and so on. Well young Francis gets in invitation to play in the U.S. Open and goes against his father's wishes to play in the tournament against the world's greatest golfers. Before the tournament there is a confrontation, and Francis' father demands that he quit. Francis says he can't do that, and the father tells him that he has to find someplace else to live.
So the tournament goes on, and at the end of Round three, Francis is closing in on the professionals (against all odds by the way). On the 18th hole of the final round, Francis has a chance to tie the lead and send the tournament into a three-way playoff. Just before his final putt, the mother throws down her laundry she was hanging out to dry, and runs to the course to witness the final putt. She cheers wildly with the crowd as he makes it. The whole country goes crazy for young Francis, who is an international phenomenon. Even the President comes to watch him play, but his father still won't acknowledge him or his accomplishment. During the final round playoff, it comes down to a four foot putt (or so). If he makes it, he wins the U.S. Open as the first Amateur to ever win the tournament, and only the second American to win. Of course, he sinks it and the crowd goes crazy. They lift him onto their shoulders and carry him around the course. People are throwing money at him, and he shouts, "I can't take it. I can't take it." (Because he is an amateur). He yells to the crowd to pass the hat for his caddy to have the money. He taking money on the shoulders of the crowd for his caddy, and he reaches down to take someone's $1 dollar bill. When he does, he looks into the eyes of who is handing it to him. It is his father - still dirty from the coal mine - waiving a coal dust-covered $1 bill at him. His father looks up at him with a proud smile and they hug each other as the mother looks on from outside the crowd, with tears in her eyes that her husband and son have reconnected, and the father demonstrated his love and pride for his son.
The End.
The problem? I challenge any man in the world to watch that movie and not get a little teary-eyed at the ending. It cannot be done. The father showing how proud he is of the son. The against-all-odds sports story. The super-dramatic climax of the movie with the crowd cheering and the mother crying with pride and love for her family. Jesus God. I am getting a little misty right now just thinking about it.
So we are sitting on my couch watching that, and I am biting my tongue to cause enough pain so that I don't tear up. The credits roll, and she looks over at me, with tears in her eyes, and says, "That was a really good movie." I hop up quickly and say, "yeah, it was okay." But my voice cracked a little. Damn me and my flawed emotions. She didn't say anything, but I think she knew.
Tomorrow night we are watching 300. I can't risk that whole scene again.
Anyway, there was a small problem - the movie choice. We ended up not watching the movie we rented, and instead watched a movie that I had TIVOd for myself. She found it while scrolling through my recorded list. The movie was The Greatest Game Ever Played. I don't know if you know this movie, but I had not heard of it before I recorded it. It stars the Shia LaBeouf as golfer Francis Ouimet. It is set in 1913 and centers around the U.S. Open Championship.
Before I get into this let me ruin the movie for you. If you don't want to know then stop reading now. Anyway, Francis Ouimet is 20 years old or something and gives up the game of golf at the demand of his father. His father works in a coal mine and believes that golf is for the upper class, etc. (Of course, at that time it was for professionals and the upper class). There is a bunch of dialogue about how he should "know his place" and so on. Well young Francis gets in invitation to play in the U.S. Open and goes against his father's wishes to play in the tournament against the world's greatest golfers. Before the tournament there is a confrontation, and Francis' father demands that he quit. Francis says he can't do that, and the father tells him that he has to find someplace else to live.
So the tournament goes on, and at the end of Round three, Francis is closing in on the professionals (against all odds by the way). On the 18th hole of the final round, Francis has a chance to tie the lead and send the tournament into a three-way playoff. Just before his final putt, the mother throws down her laundry she was hanging out to dry, and runs to the course to witness the final putt. She cheers wildly with the crowd as he makes it. The whole country goes crazy for young Francis, who is an international phenomenon. Even the President comes to watch him play, but his father still won't acknowledge him or his accomplishment. During the final round playoff, it comes down to a four foot putt (or so). If he makes it, he wins the U.S. Open as the first Amateur to ever win the tournament, and only the second American to win. Of course, he sinks it and the crowd goes crazy. They lift him onto their shoulders and carry him around the course. People are throwing money at him, and he shouts, "I can't take it. I can't take it." (Because he is an amateur). He yells to the crowd to pass the hat for his caddy to have the money. He taking money on the shoulders of the crowd for his caddy, and he reaches down to take someone's $1 dollar bill. When he does, he looks into the eyes of who is handing it to him. It is his father - still dirty from the coal mine - waiving a coal dust-covered $1 bill at him. His father looks up at him with a proud smile and they hug each other as the mother looks on from outside the crowd, with tears in her eyes that her husband and son have reconnected, and the father demonstrated his love and pride for his son.
The End.
The problem? I challenge any man in the world to watch that movie and not get a little teary-eyed at the ending. It cannot be done. The father showing how proud he is of the son. The against-all-odds sports story. The super-dramatic climax of the movie with the crowd cheering and the mother crying with pride and love for her family. Jesus God. I am getting a little misty right now just thinking about it.
So we are sitting on my couch watching that, and I am biting my tongue to cause enough pain so that I don't tear up. The credits roll, and she looks over at me, with tears in her eyes, and says, "That was a really good movie." I hop up quickly and say, "yeah, it was okay." But my voice cracked a little. Damn me and my flawed emotions. She didn't say anything, but I think she knew.
Tomorrow night we are watching 300. I can't risk that whole scene again.
21 comments:
And I challenge you to write a post about golf where you spell "putt" correctly!
New Texan: I don't know what the hell you talking about. It is spelled correctly everywhere. You are obviously an insane person. But still my hero.
Hey, some girls go for the sensitive guy thing. I don't, but I've HEARD some girls do - so embrace your inner girl Garrett, I won't look.
Be careful, I cried during 300.
But then, I always cry when I masturbate.
So did you make out before, during, or after the crying? Did you have a cigarette afterwards? Did it hurt?
Redhead: Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'll have to find someone else to date now that she is going to stop taking my calls. Do you how many Craigslist ads I had to look at before I found her?
TK: You masturbate to war movies? You sicko. I only masturbate to hard core porn and Who's the Boss videos (That Angela had it going on).
Mortarbored: I want to make it perfectly clear: There was no crying. There was a little extra moisture in the eye area. That's it. And in answer to your questions: All three; Yes; and Yes.
tk - slow clap.
garrett - no clap. crying at a golf movie? i suppose you choked back tears during bagger vance, too. fine, i don't blame you. you're only human.
Blythe - No that Bagger Vance movie just pissed me off what with Will Smith's, "You wanna quit Mr. Junuh?" every five minutes. That shit just got annoying. Also, let me say again: There was no crying.
And Blythe - There are rules here at This Blog is Not Funny. Rule #1) No praising other commenters - only praise Garrett R.
I had to stop watching 300. I was afraid that woman's nipples would take out one of my beautifully hazel orbs.
garrett (see, directed at you) - lose two points for actually knowing specifics regarding bagger vance. j/k. i'll watch any movie where charlize gets her sexy on.
Garrett... you are right. I somtimes suffer from a rare eye disorder that doesn't allow me to see the letter "t" at the end of words... all cleared up now.
Baggar Vance is the worst movie ever made from a great book.
Ahem.
Believe it or not, that comment was far more disturbing in it's original form. I edited it for content.
I'm excited, and a bit jealous, that you had a date. But at least you shared details with us. More, please!
Next time you're thinking about watching one of those chick flick/sentimental movies... I would suggest throwing an open box of Sudafed on the coffee table, a box of kleenex, with a couple waded up like they'd been used, and an empty mug with a tea bag string hanging out of it.
You know... set the scene for a plausible excuse.
And don't watch Mr. Holland's Opus no matter what! My dad even cried on that one.
Does your wife know you had a date? Man is she gonna be PISSED.
gross...you're all sensitive and shit.
that dad sounds like a real asshole to me.
Sounds like a similar theme to "Field of Dreams" - makes me ball everytime I see it too.
Hehe, get it. Ball; cry. Ball; baseball. Ball; I have two.
300 is definitely a safer bet - you know as opposed to the homo crying because I have daddy issues movie it will be a movie about war and thousands of half naked men in impeccable shape - what a lucky lady!
300 is ultra manly, so you can't really go wrong there. HOWEVER, beware of the seemingly endless sex scene between Leonitis and his wife. It consists of Leonitis fucking his wife from every angle humanly possible and her just gasping a lot. I found it awkward, then again I was watching it with my dad.
Yada yada yada....you must love Seinfeld also!!!
Im just going to ignore that whole post about you pretending to be deep and sensitive in order to make out with some girl and instead comment on how I also like to masturbate to middle age chicks who wear huge shoulder pads.
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