Wednesday, March 07, 2007

An Addendum

Some of you have doubted the veracity of my story. This was perhaps (as was pointed out to me several times yesterday) because I used such phrases as "this story is totally made up," and "I didn’t have sex with Alterna-girl," and "all of this story is fake, and "this is all made up."

Let us just say that I like to keep you guessing. So, without further fanfare and ado (and whatnot) I give to you:

My gigantic puppy, Abigail Road.

A picture of the aforementioned tattoo (cropped ever so carefully so as not to reveal more of my body than necessary, thus avoiding the possibility that you throw up little bits of your Sausage McGriddle from this morning).


you'dneverguess said...

I dig the tattoo. It's pretty cool for a tribalish design. I'm assuming that Abigail is not your nickname for AlternaGirl. If so that might explain some of her sexual quirks.

A Lover and a Fighter said...

You told me you were black!

I'm so pissed.

Your pup is beautiful and I love her.

Winter said...

Wait the dog was your date? I'm so confused.

stephen said...

How did you know I had a sausage McGriddle this morning?

(I really did)

dmbmeg said...

your tattoo is as gay as I imagined.

Garrett Reid said...

You'dneverguess: Thanks for the digging on the tattoo. Abigail is actually my real life dog. AternaGirl is actually a real life girl that I had sex with once. Both of them have very unusual sexual quirks - although only one of them rubs her ass along my carpet.

L & F - Are you judging my blackness by the color of my skin? Racist. Thanks for loving little Abigail.

Winter - If there is one thing I am known for it is confusing women. AternaGirl = date. Abbey Road = Pet. I have really fucked up these last few posts by confusing people. I'll lay it all out right here for everyone. The story was actually true. Well, it was 88% true (maybe 93%). I may have exaggerated parts, and I actually wanted to get a tattoo. I actually suggested that I get the tattoo (and the reason for getting the tattoo was only 45% related to wanting to impress an AlternaGirl.) The dog barking part - true. The weird sexual practice - true. The 2 and a half dates - true. I only said it wasn't true because I didn't want AlternaGirl to accidentally read this thing and then take a make-shift knife or "shiv", cut out my eyes, and her and her friends take turns pissing into my ocular cavities. (This way to the cafeteria). Does any of this make sense, or am I simply stumbling all over myself like the idiot I am when I talk to women?

Stephen - I just assumed that - because everyone in America should eat a Sausage McGriddle every morning. They are a near-perfect creation.

Dmbmeg - Your words hurt, dmbmeg. Sometimes they hurt.

you'dneverguess said...

One of THE BEST lines EVER. RIP Phil Hartman, so sad.
What would you say to silver dollar pancakes, bacon and freshly squeezed orange juice?
Sounds great!
Sorry, we didn't have any of that other stuff.
I was joking about the dog being AlternaGirl. I knew that was your pup.
I hope AlternaGirl wasn't using your carpet as TP. That is a wierd kink.

Anne said...

Cute dog..I like the tattoo. At least you will always have a story behind it. You will be 80 and telling your grandkids about how you got the tattoo just so you could get some.

Winter said...


Good explanation, but next time use visuals to make it more interesting.

Kale Rae said...

You shouldn't need a tattoo in order to get some, not with a gorgeous pup like that at home...! She's gorgeous.

Ace Cowboy said...

I ince got a tattoo of Betty White on my left ass cheek just for a weak handjob. We all get suckered, man. We all get suckered.

Winter said...

Dear Mr. Reid,

Are you dead?



Kristin said...

He has either told Alterna-Girl that he can't see her anymore and she's holding him hostage, or he has decided that when she got her freak on, he liked it and he's holding her hostage.

dmbmeg said...

My vote is he has masturbated so much, he actually went blind and can no longer find his keyboard. And ironically, his dick.

Anonymous said...

time to update, dude.

abigailroad said...

I 'googled' my name, and came up with an entry about your pretty puppy.

littlewhiteliar said...

This Blog Is Not Updated

Joie de Vivre said...

her friends piss in cut eyelids? i don't know why you don't see a long term future with this girl.

i say go for it.