Wednesday, January 09, 2008

A Short Post About Short Penis

You know what would really suck? Being a black man with a small penis. Can you imagine the constant looks of disappointment you would get every time you got down to business? You would always get an, "Oh. I was expecting something. . . well . . . different."

Out of all of the stereotypes out there, that is one that I think most black men could live with. Except for those few small-penised black men. I bet they hate that stereotype worse than they hate the use of the 'N' word.

This is what I was thinking about as my work day is coming to an end.

So ladies, next time you hook up with an underendowed black man, you look that small penis straight in the. . .um. . . eye. . . and say that you are not going to give into racism. You tell that penis that you are going to fight those vicious and harmful big-penis stereotypes.

Monday, January 07, 2008

This Blog Is Not Funny: Your Guide to Politics

Listen folks, I don't want to get "all political" here on you. In fact, we here at This Blog is Not Funny, LLC, a subsidiary of Not Funny Blogs, International, wholly owned and operated by Global Chemical Industries, Inc. Worldwide will not officially endorse a candidate for President of the United States. Because of my "celebrity status" I do not feel it is morally or ethically proper for me to influence your vote with my opinion. God knows, I could win Obama this election in a landslide victory were I to lend him my endorsement. Seriously, just envision the front page of the New York Times: "Garrett Reid (White Guy) Officially Endorses Barack Obama (Who Is, at Least in Part, Black) for President" However, I can't do it. It's just not right.

With the above disclaimer out of the way, I need to say one thing. I just don't get this Hillary v. Obama thing that is going on. It is being billed as "experience vs. passion" for the Presidency. Am I forgetting something? I heard one talking head describe Hillary as "the incumbent." Huh? It appears to me that Hillary is a United States Senator. She has been so since 2001. Before that she was First Lady, a title used to officially describe the "hostess of the white house." Before that she was First Lady of The State of Arkansas. She was also a lawyer (although that really doesn't qualify you for much of anything).

Barack Obama, on the other hand, is also a United States Senator. He has been so since 2005. Before that he was an Illinois State Senator from 1997 to 2004. Before that he was a lawyer (also doesn't qualify you for much of anything).

Are people saying that Hillary has "experience" because her husband was President? Is that what that means? Because it looks like Barack has more legislative experience than Hillary. Am I wrong? Am I missing something? Are people going with the "experience vote" based upon this woman's husband doing the job?

I've got to tell you, I've seen a picture of my proctologist's wife. She looks like a really nice lady, and he has been a doctor for 25 years. But there is no way I am letting her stick a finger in my anus.

I know some of you might say, "but Bill will be there as her 'ambassador to the world,'" or whatever. Great, but I still wouldn't let my doctor's wife shove that meaty index finger into the ol' rectum, even if her husband was standing right there applying the lube.

I'm just saying.

Of course, all of this is not to say that she shouldn't be President or anything. What this is to say is that I don't get the characterization, by universally everyone in the world, that she has more experience than Obama?

P.S. Please don't be angry at me for talking about politics. Also, please don't curse me for my political views. . . wait, who am I talking to? I've seen the site stats. I know there is no one left reading this stuff. I know you all jumped ship months ago. So you know what? Screw you. How's that.

P.S.S. I'm sorry I lost my temper. I don't know what came over me. I got upset thinking about how no one comments. That made me think that people would comment if I'd post something good. Which made me realize that I suck at owning a blog. But I'd probably be better if I had some commentary encouragement. So why don't you comment? What, are you too good? You think you are so great that you can't comment? You know what? Screw you.

UPDATE: (I didn't mean it. I was drunk)