Wednesday, January 24, 2007

My Coffee

I am not really a scientist like some of you, but I think it may be a bad sign that my coffee ate through my Styrofoam cup and leaked all over my desk.

From this occurrence, I have logically reached the only two possible reasons for what has happened. One, someone is trying to kill me by poisoning my coffee. This is a very real possibility. I just added up the number of people who might want to see me dead. I stopped counting at number 9, and I wasn't even through co-workers and on to ex-girlfriends yet.

The second possibility is that someone is trying to slowly drive me insane by poking very small needle holes in the bottom of my coffee cup while I am not paying attention. This would obviously involve a very elaborate scheme of distracting me while accomplices turn my cup into a sieve. Normally, I would not consider this a realistic possibility, but I have done it to someone before. (On a side note: the results of that prank were fantastic. The prankee eventually began using two cups stacked together - then when that didn't work, he quit drinking coffee altogether because he was convinced the coffee was eating holes in his stomach. On a second side note: I felt bad that he spent over $1500 in medical bills to have his insides scanned and checked out. On a third side note: It is good to get your insides scanned from time to time - so I probably did him a favor. He should thank me - if he ever found out what I did).

Of course, there is always the possibility that they make the coffee really, really strong and really, really hot up here, and I am killing myself by drinking it. But that would just be kind of ridiculous.

6 comments:

New Texan said...

Maybe the person who had their insides scanned found out about your prank and is now trying to kill you...

TK said...

"It is good to get your insides scanned from time to time"

God, you really are gay.

A Lover and a Fighter said...

Maybe you have super acidic sweat and your fingers are causing your cup to leak.

Bet you never thought of that, did you.

Garrett Reid said...

Texan: I thought about this, and I am considering a counter strike.

TK: I knew the shoes were suspicious, but I had no idea CT scans and MRIs were gay. See, you learn something new everyday. Lesson for Jan. 25: getting an MRI means you like cock in ass. Got it.

L&F - See, I told you I wasn't a scientist like you. I certainly did not consider "super acidic sweat." The other night, I did have a suspicion that the ol' PH was a little on low side.

Joie de Vivre said...

dont wanna be mean, but number 1 and 4 from yesterdays post.

Joie de Vivre said...

and number 5

coffee is for pranksters