Friday, February 02, 2007

Hi, My Name is Garrett.

Many of you are here because of this:

Two sons of Andy Reid targets of gun, drug probes

While I enjoy guns and heroin as much as the next guy, I am not the Garrett Reid you are looking for. However, I want to welcome you here and invite you to stay and look around. I have a couple of stories about a girl that refuses to flush her toilet paper, one about bad Mexican food and a few others about. . . well, I don't really know what my stories are about. Mostly they tend to ramble, lack humor, or a point. Often they are riddled with spelling errors, contain glaring grammatical mistakes and show no sign of proper sentence structure.

My credentials (partial list):

Once, when I was 12, I was asked to pose for the "swim suit" issue of "Boy Scout Magazine" by my boy scout leader. He was sent away before my modeling career even began.

I was having sex with high school teachers long before it was popular to do so.

Sometimes, when I masturbate, I think of Jane Pauley.

Yesterday, I ate an entire box of Fruity Pebbles cereal.

I am being stalked by no less than 3 women. (two of which I may or may not have had sex with).

So, you be the judge.


A Lover and a Fighter said...

You forgot some things. May I?

-The celebrity you are most often mistaken for is Ted Nugent.

- You wear a very expensive suit to work every day, but it is unfortunately made entirely of patent leather.

- Your hobbies include scrapbooking, collecting Anne Geddes works, and crying in the shower

- Your chest hair is spray on.

Joie de Vivre said...

You should shag the 3rd stalker, up the excitement levels in your life.

Kristin said...

You also forgot that you are often mistaken for being gay and you have rather interesting shoe choices.

I know a good therapist, Garrett.

TK said...

For some reason, L & F's post makes me giggle hysterically.

And you should turn the tables. Stalk your stalkers. Take back the night, buddy.