From I'm Exhausted:
- At August 02, 2007 6:55 AM, TK said...
What the FUCK? Man, your bathroom is like a war zone - shit in the trash can, vomit everywhere... how do you ever go back? And how do you ever have company over again?
Who can you trust, Garrett?
- At August 02, 2007 8:39 AM, onthevirg said...
Man walking into a room that's been stewing in puke all day. That's the opposite of good times right there. I think your friend deserves a dickpunch with no warning whatsoever the next time you two meet.
At the very least you need to get shit faced on several types of alcohol (thereby insuring vomiting) at his house warming party. Then proceed to puke at random around his house. Or him. Take your pick.
- GR Response: It was very much the opposite of good times. He made a half-assed attempt at cleaning it up - but you could tell it was just kind of smeared around. Fucking ass. I am still pissed about it. Most of the "chunks" were gone, but not all. There were still some in the not-in-plain-site places like behind the toilet and on the wall behind the trashcan. Fucker. I am plotting revenge. A dickpunch - although satisfying - is not nearly harsh enough revenge. Puke would be fitting, but I am not a good vommiter. I tend to, you know, burst blood vessels in my eyes and shit when I hurl - so that is out. I'll think of something good.
- At August 02, 2007 8:50 AM, New Texan said...
Well, if your friend did find a house in the area, I would suggest you take your revenge there... nothing says "new home smell" like a turd cooked on a skillet all day while he was at work. The great part of this is that you don't really destroy anything (other than the skillet) and the smell will take hours to go away. Best to do this when it is too cold outside (tough around here) to open a bunch of windows.
- At August 02, 2007 11:15 AM, Erica AP said...
What about using the word, "Shlong" instead of "Wang"? Just and idea. It's pretty fun to
say out loud too.
- GR Response: Shlong just might work. I just googled shlong to see if that was the correct spelling (apparently both shlong and schlong are accepted). Welcome to me getting fired any day now.
Just think - if the evening had evolved into a gay scene(which is cool, btw), you would've gotten off AND avoided the mass cleaning.
- GR Response: Jason, I am not sure how it could evolve into a gay scene. How do those things work? Who decides each party's respective roles? I mean, in Brokeback - one cowboy turned the other over, spit, and went to town. In real life, wouldn't there have to be more conversation than that? What if cowboy number 2 had said, "Whoa there [cowboy reference], I don't want to be on bottom. You be on bottom." Then they would have had to stop and discuss the whole thing - and it would have just ended very, very awkwardly. Obviously, I don't understand these things very well.
- At August 02, 2007 2:17 PM, A Lover and a Fighter said...
garrett- your friends may suck. i suggest getting new ones.
on another note, i will never piss off new texan. he's a vicious fothermucker.
- At August 02, 2007 2:55 PM, Scottsdale Girl said...
I should send this post to the boyfriend, he was RILLY angry at me earlier because I left the dogs IN. They apparently shit all over the house.
But, you win.
- At August 02, 2007 3:01 PM, kelsi said...
this is why blogging is awesome. because now? we know everything.
thank you so much for sharing... everything.
- At August 02, 2007 3:43 PM, blythe said...
two words: upper deck.
do it. for revenge. not for fun at home alone.
- At August 02, 2007 4:02 PM, Mortarbored said...
One time I had to clean up my girlfriend's puke after she projectile vomited in a stranger's bathroom. I wiped with tissue, and we just walked out and left. Classy shit.
- At August 02, 2007 4:21 PM, Snow White said...
Okay, I read through the steps twice looking for the prefix "ex" before the word friend. Did this friend at least have an excuse when you called? Oh, and could staying up late and drinking have anything to do with why the meetings have been so hard to sit through?
No matter, I'm glad you're back posting!
- At August 02, 2007 10:24 PM, said...
You are funny!!! you rule!! :)
- At August 03, 2007 4:53 AM, HAR said...
I don't know which is funnier, your post or the comments.
"I think your friend deserves a dickpunch with no warning whatsoever the next time you two meet."
The mental image made me lmao.
- At August 03, 2007 11:18 AM, DanjerusKurves said...
When your friend gets a new place, try prying up random corners of the carpet and placing anchovies or raw shrimp underneath ... ;)
- At August 03, 2007 11:46 AM, So@24 said...
ahhh, the ol' cleaning up your friends' stomach contents. i love the nights when you dont even know which of your friends to call a "cunt"... it could have been any of them.
- At August 03, 2007 6:31 PM, blythe said...
since saturday night's alright for fighting, i would imagine that friday's fantastic for upper decking. let me know how it goes?
- At August 04, 2007 10:32 PM, dmbmeg said...
my exact comment til I read yours: two words: top shelf
I can only imagine we meant the same thing.
you and your friends sound like a bunch of alcoholics. I suggest getting help.
- At August 05, 2007 2:05 PM, Winter said...
I disagree with Dmbmeg, I suggest you drink more and then post pictures.
- At August 05, 2007 7:02 PM, Irish and Jew said...
Hmmm revenge... I really hope u come up with something good. May I suggest filling all the bottles of booze at yr place with water. Very very cruel.
PS: I used to teach waterskiing :)
- GR Response: You used to teach waterskiing? I am now officially fascinated by you. Next summer is the summer of learning to barefoot. I will either die from it - or become irresistible to women. I can't wait.