Monday, August 27, 2007


Monday morning is here. The hangover is just now starting to clear (but it's not gone yet). I was drunk from Wednesday night until Sunday morning. What a life I lead.

One story I forgot to share was about my hangover from Friday morning. A bunch of people went out to dinner Friday night. Actually, we went out for drinks at a restaurant it seems. It was me and 6 rich bastards. They were buying. We started at a hotel bar before dinner and I had 3 vodka tonics. (I don't know about you, but I have always heard the acceptable recipe for vodka tonic is 1 part vodka, two parts tonic. This bartender apparently liked to reverse that mixture). We were only there for a half hour. Then we went to the restaurant were I ate grilled shark with 2 more vodka tonics. By the time dinner was over I couldn't focus my eyes very well across the table. Dinner lasted two hours and everyone was shit faced. (I saw one guy leave a $200 tip on a $400 bill). We went to a another bar near the restaurant, where I decided I had already had too much to drink (so I switched to beer). 3 draft beers later and I could feel myself slumping in my chair.

When I got home, no big deal. I actually felt pretty good. I drunkenly played some guitar. I played with my doggy. (That is not a euphemism - I actually played with my dog), and then I sat down to watch some TV. That is when I realized things were bad. It was a TV spinning, nauseated, must close eyes before I fall out of my chair, kind of feeling. As I sat in my char in a shirt and tie with my eyes closed, I fell fast asleep (read: I passed out in my clothes in front of the TV). I woke up Friday morning at 5:00 a.m. with a pain in my back from sleeping in a straight up position. I sat there for 10 minutes trying to figure out what the hell happened.

Cue the vomit scene. That's right my friends, I threw up. Big time. Everything came up. (At one point I swear I saw a part of a fin). I did this two more times while getting ready for work. After the third vomit scene I started to feel better and drove in. I had a 9:00 meeting which I was required to attend. At 9:15 I politely excused myself from the meeting and walked calmly to the restroom where I vomited again. I wiped the tears from the eyes (I don't hurl pretty), popped a mint in my mouth, straightened the tie and returned to the meeting. My God, I am trooper. Eight hours later I was on my second beer and discussing which waitress at the bar had the best breasts.

Now I am not drinking again for two years. (or this Friday, whichever comes first). I have pain all over my body and my eyes are continuously bloodshot. That isn't going away for some reason. It is probably unrelated to the drinking. I bet I have eye cancer.

I need a drink.


New Texan said...

I need to start doing business with you!

mindy said...

Jesus this was a disgusting post. Especially the part about eating shark. Who the hell eats SHARK?

Redhead said...

A good bartender makes a vodka tonic exactly like yours did. Why? Well, a good bartender doesn't want you to embarrass yourself by, I don't know, ruining perfectly good vodka with tonic. (Oh, and vodka tonic - not a super manly drink.)

As for how you're feeling - water dude. Lots and lots of water.

blythe said...

welcome to my life. enjoy.

dmbmeg said...

That sounds like a typical Monday night for me, I don't know what you are complaining about.

STP said...

If you think that's bad, try entertaining execs from the latin side of the business - then you can talk to me about being hung over.

Mortarbored said...

You're my hero.

Come to Chicago and first round's on me.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

Man ... the girls whipped out the comment claws today. Yeesh. Things to perhaps do next time:

1) Glass of milk before you start drinking.
2) Make one pint 3/4 beer and 1/4 tomato or vegetable juice. Or just go with the veggie juice in the morning. (Picked that one up in Kansas)
3) Grow a pair. Ha.

melissa said...

This post is why I liked growing up in a small town. Your liver learns a lesson real fast, and you can drink like a champ for days on end. (Although no one serves shark in said small town.)

You're a trooper, Garrett, a trooper.

Snow White said...

I don't even know what to say to this... so I won't. Hope you're feeling better before Friday!

WNG said...

I feel so much better about the bottle of rum I put in temporary storage last night. It was released around 4am and I'm still feeling the pain. French fries for breakfast helps.