Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Garrett Reid - Accused Plagiarist

It was pointed out by Ace Cowboy in the comments to my last post that the last post may resemble a Seinfeld episode. Well, to be honest he didn't really say "resemble" he said "lifted straight" from Seinfeld. He even linked me to the transcript of the episode. I did watch Seinfeld back in the day, and I can't say for sure that I have seen that episode, but I bet I did because that was high school/college and what else did I have to do besides drink heavily, try and have sex with freshmen and watch TV.

In my defense - I didn't mean to steal shit straight from some old TV episode. Secondly, that was a long ass time ago. That episode was on 11 years ago for Christ's sake. 11 years ago! Do you know what I have done in the last 11 years? I can’t remember every TV episode I have seen, especially ones that I watched while (allegedly) doing X. On the other hand, my post was pretty similar. Even the percentages were close. They said 4-6% undatable. I said less than 5% good looking. Although I did say that people drink out of depressions from hooking up with ugly people, and they said people drink so that they can hook up. In reality, these differences are so far apart that no one can compare my post to the episode. I also talked about nipples in my post. You don't see Seinfeld talking about nipples do you?

Here are the exact lines from Seinfeld:

JERRY: Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good looking?

ELAINE: Twenty-five percent.

JERRY: Twenty-five percent, you say? No way! It's like 4 to 6 percent. It's a twenty to one shot.

ELAINE: You're way off.

JERRY: Way off? Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony down there.

ELAINE: So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of the population is undatable?


ELAINE: Then how are all these people getting together?

JERRY: Alcohol.

I don't want my adoring fans (and by that I mean the 4 people that seem to keep coming back here from time to time) to think I am plagiarizing Seinfeld. Keep it real I like to say. Also, sometimes I say “power to the people.” From time to time I say “Black Power” (although I am not black so I don't know if that is allowed - so I just say it in the privacy of my own bedroom). Thanks to Ace Cowboy and his astuteness. Sorry to Tom Gammill & Max Pross who seem to have written the episode. Sorry to Jerry. If you are reading this I am sorry for the pain I have caused you and your family. I hope you and Jessica are doing well, and those three little ones are staying out of trouble. Most of all, I say I am sorry to my family. Mom, you raised me better than this. Dad, well you didn't raise me at all, but what the hell, sorry anyway.

To the readers: Let me just assure you that someone from my writing team will be immediately fired. His/Her house will be burned down, and several unsavory comments will be made about his/her spouse in internet chat rooms.

If you would like a refund. Please print out the front page of this blog and scan it in. Circle the 4th, 17th, and 19th words, underline every other "T", diagram every forth sentence and then e-mail it to me.

Please tune in for tomorrow’s post when I write about how my best friend’s wife left him for a lesbian, and I’ll update you on the two girls who live across the hall from me named “Ronica” and “Machel”.


Ace Cowboy said...

I did not mean to accuse, my fact, I think you're a funny dude. I was just merely pointing out that this particular post sounded an awful lot like dialogue from a pretty famous pop culture juggernaut, and I wanted to make you aware of that before this post when national and someone in the tabloids went nuts and Jerry sued you.

I did this for you.

view from the other side said...

you, who unashamedly aims to steal the innocence and virtue of every female who crosses your path is worried about stealing someone else's line?

Garrett Reid said...

Ace - I appreciate it. The post going world wide is a very good possibility since the hits doubled last month to this month. Went from 2 to 4 people a day.

View - "Aims" is the key word there. Plus, the goal is not to "steal" innocence and virtue. The goal is for them to give it to you. Stealing innocence can make you a criminal in some parts of the world.

A Lover and a Fighter said...

It's not your fault that both your team of writers and the writers from Seinfeld discovered the same indisputable truths during your research.

In fact, both parties have only improved their own theses by corroborating one another's data.

Am I right?

Garrett Reid said...

Lover and Fighter - Wow, "both parties have only improved their own theses by corroborating one another's data." I should have learned me some science in school so I would be able to say things just like that. You are TOTALLY right! Maybe I should not have burned down Jermaine's house last night. Oops. (is that how oops is spelled)

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